Rubbed Raw - Omitted Scene 5 – Belly Tattoo

A week after we got back together, Giovanni and I were at the local Harley shop. He needed a new clutch cable. Every time we stopped there, he had to look at the bikes. His was almost twenty years old, and he dreamed of having a new one. Although, he took such good care of his, you wouldn’t know its age, unless you were a motorcycle connoisseur.

He sat on a few models and grinned like a kid. Then we walked over to the accessories section. “Maybe I should get saddlebags so you don’t have to carry the backpack.” He looked pensive for a minute. “I’d have to test them first to make sure you can still reach the pegs.”

I nodded. “You wanna do that now?”

“Nah, I don’t have the money this week. Mom needed money for a new prescription.” It didn’t seem to faze him that he supported his mother more than most young men had to.

After a bit more browsing, we wound up at the bikes again. He stared at a black Road King for a long time. The price tag was way out of our price range, but it could be doable one day. If the album sold well that is.

Giovanni sat on it and sighed. “I always wanted one of these.”

“Will they let you test drive it?” I hoped I could tag along.

He shrugged. “Maybe, I never asked.” He looked up at me. “You planning on going with me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” I studied his face, trying to see through his expressionless face. Sometimes I wished he could express his emotions better. “I rode here with you.”

His eyebrows rose. “This got more power than any bike I ever had. It’s a 1500. Guess I’m nervous you’ll fall.” His eyes portrayed fear.

Then I understood. Losing me had changed him. He was more cautious, yet wanted to hang onto me tighter. “See if they have one with a sissy bar. That way if you hit the throttle too hard, I won’t fall.” I had learned a lot about motorcycles being with him.

A small smile formed on his lips. “So smart, I didn’t think of that.”

We had to wait two hours for an open test drive slot with the bike he chose. Giovanni fidgeted most of the time, unable to stay still. When the time was almost up, he squeezed my hand. “Maybe I can get one of them when the tour’s over.” He smiled. “It’d be a lot easier on your ass on the way to the studio for our next album.”

I smiled. The long drive on his bike did sometimes cause an ache, but I had gotten used to it. Although, when I was bruised, it was torture. “As long as I can still feel the wind, it’ll be cool.”

“Mr. Saracino?” A voice called out.

Both of us looked up. Then Giovanni stood and grabbed our gear, before walking towards the man with a clipboard several feet away. “That’s me.” He tugged me behind him.

“This way,” clipboard guy said.

Once outside, Giovanni let me go and inspected the blue bike that waited for him. It was definitely bigger than his. The seats were much wider, well padded.

“We don’t allow passengers on test rides.” The man looked me up and down.

Giovanni folded his arms over his chest and stood straight, which made him look pretty scary. “She goes. I’m not leaving her here.”

“What do you ride?”

With a look towards the parking lot, Giovanni answered, “A ’97 Sportster, 833.”

“That’s kinda small for a guy your size.” The employee quickly gave Giovanni a once over.

Giovanni glared at him. “I lifted it and modified it a bit. It’s got forward controls too.”

“You ever road anything over 1000?”

Giovanni glanced at me then at the man, “Only in first or second gear. I’m a mechanic.”

“You should drive it in the parking lot before you take her out on it.”

Nodding, Giovanni obviously agreed. He visibly relaxed and donned his helmet and gloves. “Stay in sight, Crystal.” He pulled me close and pressed his lips to mine, “A couple of minutes.”

“I’ll be right here.” I watched his smile widen as he mounted the bike.

He started it up and grinned widely. It was much louder than his. Obviously excited, he revved the engine. Then he put it in gear and rolled in a circle, getting a feel for it. He had told me that every bike was different, just like cars. When he had gone down the length of a long aisle, he accelerated. His face told me he was surprised by how the bike reacted. By the time he came back to us, he looked relatively comfortable with it.

“Get on,” he kept the bike steady waiting for me.

I put my helmet on and looked at him. “Um, I can’t get my leg up that high.” I pointed to the sissy bar. I had never ridden on a bike with one.

Giovanni looked behind him. “Step on the peg then swing your leg over in front of you.” He scooted forward, giving me more room to maneuver.

Grabbing his shoulder, I did just that, almost catching my foot on his jeans. I quickly found the second peg and rested my foot. Then I leaned forward and grabbed Giovanni around the middle.

“You don’t have to hold on so tight.” Giovanni leaned back and let our helmets touch. “If you want, you can sit back.”

I loosened my hold a bit, but was too nervous to do anything more. “I like holding you.”

He patted my hands. “I like it too, feels good to have you against my back.”

I felt the bike go into gear and clutched him tighter. His earlier nervousness was getting to me. When he took off, going slow, I closed my eyes. Then he rubbed my thigh and I relaxed. I hadn’t slid back like he had worried. I looked up just as he slowed to turn onto a main road. Seconds later, he accelerated hard and my body jerked, but then I felt the backrest behind me. I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Sorry,” he shouted.

I gripped him firmer, to ease my own nerves. When he was at a steady speed, I took a deep breath and let my thighs relax. The seat was a lot more comfortable, and I liked have something behind me. The wind around us made me smile. It was the best part about riding, feeling free.

At a red light, I yelled over the loud engine, “You got good taste. I like this one.”

“Cool,” he squeezed my thigh then held my hand for a few seconds, “Me too.”

The bike slowed when the river came into view. I knew we had an hour, but I thought we would be riding the whole time. Without a word, he parked the bike and led me to a large grassy patch with a great view of the water.

“What’re we doing?” I asked as he sat on the floor and tugged me to sit between his legs.

He hugged me, so his chest was against my back. “We can’t talk on the bike.” After taking a deep breath, his body relaxed. “We been so busy lately.”

His hands ran down over my thighs then back up, over my ribs. He was cautious what he touched. There was a family picnicking nearby and people randomly all around us. Slowly his fingers slipped under my top.

I grabbed his hands. “Hey.”

“I wanna show you something.” He lifted my shirt a few inches, exposing only my belly. His lips brushed over my ear. “I got a nice idea for a tattoo.” He made a circle with one of his fingers around my belly button, “A bunch of small butterflies all around here.”

Confused, I leaned my head back and looked up at him. “Why butterflies?” I did like them an awful lot, but none of my tattoos were that girlie.

“They’re a symbol of new life.” His whole body tensed for a few seconds. “Don’t freak out.” He held me closer and whispered, “When we have a baby, they’ll get bigger as you do.”

I fought the urge to argue, while my hands balled into fists. “Baby?” No way was I ready yet and he knew it. Why does he keep pushing for it? “Now?” I squeaked, unable to control the tone of my voice.

“I didn’t mean we start trying.” He sighed. “I want you to have the tattoo before we do. Please?” He rubbed my belly. “I can’t wait till you’re carrying my kid, but I won’t push, promise.”

Closing my eyes, I reigned in my anxiety, taking deep breaths. His fingers continued to caress my skin, slowly. I stayed quiet and felt him tense again. That meant he was getting worried. His hands moved to my shoulders and gently massaged them.

“You OK?” His voice was barely a whisper. “I’m sorry if I freaked you out again.”

I turned my head and listened to his heart beat quickly for a few moments. “I don’t know when I’ll be ready.” My voice wasn’t steady and my hands shook.

“That’s fine.” He smoothed my hair, trying not to snag my ponytail. “I can wait...” He exhaled in my hair and kissed the top of my head. “…until you are.” He paused a few seconds. “I love you.”

I turned and hugged him. “Love you too.”

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head again. “Just think about it, OK?” When I nodded, he squeezed me. “It’d look beautiful.” We said nothing for a few minutes more. Then he tapped my thigh. “We gotta get back.”

I gave him a half smile and got to my feet. “It does sound like a nice idea,” I admitted.

Giovanni gave me a questioning look. “What does?”

“The tattoo.”

He stood and put his hands on my shoulders. “So, you’ll do it?

“Yeah.”

He threw a fist in the hair. “Yes!” Excitedly, he went on, “Will you do it today? This way you can’t change your mind.”

I shook my head. “You’re gonna be relentless if I don’t, right?”

“Yep.” He grinned from ear to ear. “All day and all night till you do it.”

Sighing, I feigned defeat. “Well fine then.” I looked up at him and smiled. “I hope it turns out sexy.”

He pulled me close and put his hands around my waist. Then he leaned down and whispered, “All your tattoos’re sexy.” His fingers caressed my lower back, “Especially this one.” He exhaled on my neck. “First time I saw this, I imagined you bent over Chad’s kitchen table. My dick was so hard, I swore you were gonna notice. Then Rosario had to piss me off, again.”

“You forgot about him pretty quick.” The night floated through my mind, him in a towel, dancing, his body against mine, fantasizing, waking up in his arms. “We had a great time that night.”

He groaned against my neck. “Yeah. That was the first time I held you all night. I have no idea how I controlled my dick.” His lips brushed my skin. “God, you felt so fucking good.”

“Better than our first time?” I was slightly insulted.

He held my face in his hands and tilted my head up. After placing a passion filled kiss on my lips, he held my gaze. “No.” His eyes seemed far away for a few seconds then his focus returned. “That was so incredible; I don’t have words to describe it. I felt it in my entire body… and when I came… I thought my balls were literally exploding.” He gently rubbed my nose with his. “It’s ‘cause I love you.”

I nodded, knowing that was why it was the same for me. “I thought we had to get back.”

“Yeah, we do.” Giovanni gave me a quick kiss on the lips and tugged me back to the bike.

After returning the Road King, Giovanni took me to Manny’s tattoo shop. The place was bigger than I expected. Julian, the guy Chad used, worked out of a small storefront downtown. Manny’s had couches and chairs in a large waiting area. The walls were covered in tattoo designs and related artwork. Heavy metal music was piped into the dimly lit room as well.

We sat on a couch, Giovanni’s arm around me. “You haven’t gotten a tattoo in a while. Think you’ll be OK?”

“Um…” I hadn’t even thought about it. “I guess.” As we waited, anxiety started to creep up. “Do any girls work here?”

He put his other arm around me. “I don’t think so.” He kissed my hair. “Did you change your mind?”

Before I could reply, I heard footsteps. A man with a bandage on his arm walked out of the store and another man appeared. “Hey, Giovanni. What’s up? Finally doing the other leg?”

Giovanni patted my kne and stood. “Nah, Manny. Don’t know what to put there yet. This time my girl Crystal’s getting a piece done.” He walked towards the counter.

“Hmmm, girl? That’s a first.” Manny was a very tall and all around large man. He had a dark crew cut and a full graying beard. The glare Giovanni gave him caused his eyebrows to go up. “What? You never brought a chick here before.” Giovanni must have given him another look, because he grinned and said, “Oh, that chick. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

I got to my feet and slowly joined them, but stayed quiet.

“I’m gonna need you to draw something out for me.” Giovanni draped an am over my shoulders. He used his other hand to lift my top a little. “A set of butterflies around her belly button.”

Manny cocked his head. “Interesting…” His lip curled up. “So is it somethin’ like the dragon on your back.” He looked up at me. “Are you in recov-“

“Shut the fuck up,” Giovanni suddenly blurted out.

Both Manny and I stared at him. “Dude, what the fuck?”

I ran a hand down Giovanni’s tense arm. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” he eyed Manny. “Forget it, please.”

With a sigh, Manny put his hands on the counter in front of him. “She don’t know.” He waited for an answer but didn’t get one. “Giovanni, man, it’s gonna come out.”

Giovanni glared at him again. “Not now.”

I watched the two men dare the other to say a word. For a few minutes, I went over the conversation that just occurred. Was Manny about to say “recover” or “recovery?” No other words came to mind. Giovanni obviously was not ready for me to know. I couldn’t help but try to think of reasons for him to have to recover from something. Had he been sick once? What would a dragon have to do with that?

“What’s he talking about?” My eyes opened wide as I waited. When he didn’t respond, my voice rose. “What happened to you?”

His body was tense and his breathing was quick. He obviously didn’t want me to know. “I’m sorry,” Giovanni softly said in my ear. “I just can’t. Not yet.”

He said that a lot when it came to feelings or his past. Sometimes I wished he could express himself like Chad did. I always had to drag things out of him. If I pushed him, he would just clam up and possibly even get angry. I decided to let it go, for both our sakes.

“Sorry.” Manny seemed truly remorseful. “I didn’t mean to start a fight.”

I took a deep breath. “You didn’t. It’s fine. He doesn’t like to talk about some things.” I clutched Giovanni’s hand nervously, when Manny’s eyes met mine. “Can you fit me in?”

“Yep, don’t have an appointment for an hour.” He waved his hand. “Come on back and we’ll get started.”

Giovanni started to relax as we strolled down the hallway. He didn’t let go of my hand, and I was glad. Me on the other hand, my anxiety was building. The last time I had a tattoo done; Chad and I went to Julian, who I knew well. I had my blouse off, yet I felt comfortable. That was before my attack though.

Once in a room, I stood as close to Giovanni as possible. I squeezed his fingers, trying to relax. He lifted my hand and kissed my fingers.

“It’s OK,” he murmured.

Manny got out a pencil and some paper. “So are you particular about breeds or colors?”

I looked at my feet. “Not really.”

“I’d say Monarchs’d be nice.” Giovanni lifted my chin, “Red, blue and black?” When I nodded, he smiled. “Simple’s better for this one I think.”

We watched Manny sketch. He was real good. It didn’t take him long to have eight one-inch butterflies in a circle outlined on the paper. Minutes later, Giovanni led me to the reclining chair.

“How’s this?” Manny held up the finished drawing.

Giovanni grinned widely. “Perfect.”

“Take off your shirt…” Manny got up and started getting things ready. “…and lay back on chair.”

I took it off, wishing I had worn a less revealing bra. After placing it on a nearby table, I covered my chest with my arms feeling more exposed than I was. Giovanni stood in front of me and smiled. Then Manny touched my lower back and I jumped.

“I’m just admiring the piece you got down here.”  Manny wolf whistled. “It’s hot.”

Cringing from his touch, I stepped towards Giovanni.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“She’s afraid of people touching her,” Giovanni explained. “Just have a little patience, please.” We stood there for a minute, while I calmed.

I lay back on the chair with Giovanni’s help. However, when he let go, the thought of Manny’s hands on me was suddenly terrifying. Keeping my arms up, I started to shake. My hands clenched into fists and I couldn’t move.

Looking at Giovanni with pleading eyes and clenched teeth, I whined, “I can’t do this.”

“It’s okay.” He stood over me and tugged me until I was in his arms. “I’m right here. Manny’s professional.” His fingers ran through my hair while I clutched the back of his shirt. “Take a deep breath.” He leaned his cheek against mine. “If you’re scared we can go.”

“She OK?” Manny asked from close by.

Giovanni’s head moved then his lips touched my ear. “We can do this another day.”

Knowing I had a choice made me feel much better. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. Then I cleared my mind. “I can do this.” I said it to myself several times, as I stayed still.

“You sure?”

I nodded and met his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Are we doing this?” Manny rolled a table next to me. He pulled a chair next to mine. “I’ll be careful where I touch, OK?”

I lay back again. “We are.”

Giovanni picked up my hand. “I’m right here.”

I closed my eyes and thought about what the tattoo would look like if I were pregnant. That calmed me a bit more. It was a really cool idea. “Just don’t let go.” I squeezed his hand and loosened my muscles.

“You need to open your jeans.” Manny’s voice was soft.

Giovanni did it for me with one hand. Then he kissed my lips. “Thanks for doing this. I can’t wait till it grows with you.” I could hear the smile in his tone.

Manny touched my abdomen and I jumped again. He waited a few seconds then paper was on my skin. “Maybe you should open your eyes so you know when I’m gonna touch you.”

I laughed, which broke down my nerves a bit more. “If I watch, I’ll pass out.”

Giovanni kissed my forehead. “Why didn’t you tell me you were afraid of needles?”

“I’m not exactly afraid,” I admitted. “They just make me queasy.”

He brushed a few hairs out of my face. “Then keep ‘em closed.”

Minutes later, I winced and grit my teeth. I slowly reached up and Giovanni held both of my hands. Instead of squirming like I wanted to, I gripped his hands tighter. It wasn’t quite as bad the one on my lower back, but hurt none the less. Thankfully, by the time he was coloring in the butterflies, my belly was numb.

“So, you like?”

I cautiously opened my eyes. Manny was cleaning up. I glanced down my body. From what I could see, he did a really nice job. The colors were bright and the lines were perfect.

“Damn, that really turns me on.” Giovanni caressed the skin just above the tattoo.

I grinned slyly. “The wind could turn you on lately.”

“True.” He leaned down. “But, now I got something to look at whether you’re on your back or your stomach.” His voice got deeper. “When we get home, you are so in trouble.”

Manny came back to me and rubbed ointment on my belly, while I fought the urge to hop off the chair. “Keep the bandage on for an hour.” He covered my new ink with a large gauze pad. “Get dressed and I’ll give you some paperwork.”

When we got home, I carefully took off the bandage and took a shower. My belly was sore, but it was most definitely worth it. When I had looked in the mirror, I was shocked at how detailed the butterflies were.

Giovanni waited for me in the bedroom. He waved his hand at the bed when I entered the room. “Lay down so I can put this on.”

He had a tube of ointment in his hand. It was something we always had on hand. I complied and tossed the towel aside. He just gave me a lustful look.

“Scoot down here so it’s easier.” He watched me slide towards him, licking his lips. “God, that looks even better than I expected.” When my ass hit the edge, he grabbed my knees and spread them wide. “Close your eyes.”

I did and was surprised to hear him walk away. Then I realized he didn’t have a washcloth or anything to clean his hands after. When I heard footsteps, I called out. “Can I put my legs down?”

“Not yet.” A hand ran down each of my thighs, “So fucking hot.” He dragged his tongue over my hip then down.

I moaned as he caressed my folds slowly. “What happened to taking care of me?”

“This ain’t taking care of you?” He went right back to using his tongue to make me crazy.

My hips lifted when he teased my clit, trying to make him suck on it. As usual, he didn’t let me control things. He pushed my hips down and held my legs wide open. His tongue tentatively stroked me, with teasing glimpses of pleasure.

I squirmed. “Please.”

He chuckled and pressed the tip of his tongue to my entrance. Again, he moved before giving me what I wanted. “You need to learn patience.”

“No. You need to learn to stop teasing.”

He laughed again. “Don’t like teasing? Fine.”

Suddenly he filled my pussy with his long, thick erection. “Oh God!” My hips involuntarily ground into his, while my entire body vibrated with pleasure. He gave me another quick stroke and I cried out, “Giovanni, fucking God!”

“I guess you like this better.” He grunted as he slammed his hips into mine again, still holding my legs open, eyes fixed on my new ink. “That tattoo’s better than all the other ones.” He leaned down slightly, careful not to touch the sensitive skin. “’Cause you got it for me.”

My back arched and I gripped the blanket beneath me. “So glad I got it. Fuck!” His rhythm became fast and steady. Shocked by how he ravaged my body, my eyes rolled back. “How’re you doing this?” His cock was hitting my sweet spot over and over again. It was overwhelming. I cried out yet again, just as he went faster.

“So good, damn,” Giovanni groaned loudly. “God, I’m gonna cum already.” He growled and dug his fingers into my thighs, while he looked up. “Fuck!” His hips stilled.

My insides were still quivering as his cock throbbed within me. I didn’t move until he pulled out. “Guess you like the tattoo.”

“Just a bit,” he winked at me. “I’ll be right back.” Within seconds, he was back, pants closed and a washcloth in his hand. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

I cringed at the first sweep of his fingers, but it didn’t hurt like I expected. It was just sore. He was rarely gentle with me, but his touch was almost feather-like. My entire body relaxed.

“Chad’s gonna love this,” Giovanni said barely above a whisper.

My eyes flipped open in surprise. He rarely talked about Chad since he heard the song Chad wrote about me. His smile told me he wasn’t the least bit jealous.

“What?” He gave me a puzzled look.

I quickly changed my expression, “Nothing.” It was best left alone. After he had carefully covered my belly with plastic wrap, I got to my feet. “It might have been a good idea to wash up before you did that.” I was sure I smelled of sex.

“Why?” His arms wrapped around me from behind. “I used a condom. You should be fine.” He just didn’t understand.

I sighed and leaned back on him. “I’ll be careful.” I pulled away and started for the doorway.

“Wait.” He gently yanked me back and pressed his hips to my ass. His cock was growing again. “I just keep seeing it in my head. You’ll even more beautiful with a huge belly with my baby in it. Why does that turn me on?” He let out a low growl. “Maybe I’m just crazy.”

I couldn’t imagine having a child at twenty-three, but stayed silent. He was too excited by the idea. Bursting his bubble at that moment felt wrong.

“Love you,” he whispered. “I better stop.” He let me go. “We gotta leave soon.” After a kiss on my lips, he caressed my cheek. “Thanks again for getting the tattoo, my love.”

I smiled. “I’d do anything for you.” After washing up best I could, I started to get dressed.

When Giovanni walked into the extra bedroom, his eyes opened wide. “If you keep dressing like that every night, we are never gonna be on time.”

“I’m not even dressed yet.”

“I know.” He came closer and gazed at the red bra and panty set I wore, practically drooling. “I’ve never seen this one before.” Then he picked me up and tossed me on the bed.

“We don’t have time for this, Giovanni. We’re late,” I warned him as I tried to get off the bed.

He quickly stood over me and pressed his lips to mine. “We’ll make time.” He pushed me back down and straddled my hips. “Come on. You look so hot.”

“I just cleaned up, please.” I pled with my eyes.

With a loud exhale, he climbed off the bed. “Fine, but when we get home, I’m fucking you in that set." He left me and seconds later, I heard the bathroom door close.

When I was dressed, I fiddled with my tank top, trying to keep the plastic underneath. It was there so my clothes weren’t stained. I quickly gave up and changed into a longer top. It was red, with spaghetti straps and a low neckline. It went well with the black ruffled skirt around my hips.

“Hot damn!” Giovanni came out of the bedroom, smiling while tying his hair back. “I like that shirt.” He crossed the living room to me. “Why’re you torturing me?” He put his hands on my shoulders. “Maybe they’ll have a back room.” He winked just before gritting his teeth.

An hour later, I threw my guitar strap over my head. Then I almost cried when my bass smacked my belly. I had forgotten about the tattoo. Quickly I turned to the wall and hid the pain.

“Here.” Mark handed me my cable.

I plugged in my guitar. Chad saying we needed to switch to wireless came to mind. He was right, but it was a costly investment. We had to save up for it. Between rent and necessities, there wasn’t much left out of what we made as a band. If Chad and Giovanni weren’t working, there probably wouldn’t be anything at all. Chad had offered to pay for it, but everyone else refused. It had to be a group effort, just like all the band’s purchases.

We soon started “Trapped in the Middle.” It had become popular. The audience loved that Chris moved all over the stage as he sang it. Sometimes I wondered if he was inside my head with the way he sang it. He expressed all the emotions I felt as I wrote it.

As soon as it was over, I accidentally brushed my tattoo with my bass again. My eyes closed and my hands balled in to fists.

“Hey, you OK?” Chad lightly touched my arm. I took a deep breath and tilted my head so I could see him. He looked down at me with concern. “Looks like you’re in pain.”

I smiled, wide. “I’m OK. No big deal.”

“He didn’t…” His voice trailed off while he pursed his lips. “Sorry. I know I promised.” He sighed, obviously hating butting out of my sex life. “It’s not that though, right?”

Shaking my head, I held his forearm. “I swear it’s something else, nothing to worry about.”

Several more songs later, Chad walked with me towards the back room. “What’s wrong, baby?” He stopped and made me look at him. “You can tell me. I promise not to get mad.”

“I’m fine, really.” I suddenly grabbed Chad, feeling woozy. Pain sometimes made me dizzy and I was feeling seriously sore.

“Baby, you gotta lie down.” He held me up as best as he could without hugging me. “You look like you’re gonna pass out.”

Giovanni was coming towards us with a bass drum. “What happened?”

“I’m fine,” I insisted.

Chad scowled at me. “She’s exhausted or something. I’m gonna walk her to your van.”

“Sure,” Giovanni gave us a forced smile, showing me it was killing him to let Chad care for me.

While everyone else loaded the vans, Chad helped me onto the front seat in Giovanni’s. He quickly kissed my cheek and sat on the van floor, urging me to lie down. Once I was on my back, he rested his hand over my belly and I left out a soft cry.

“How’d I hurt you?” He lifted my top and stared at my belly. “Wow, this’s beautiful.” He smiled at me and a finger grazed my skin around the tattoo. “That’s why you’re in pain.”

I smiled back at him. “Yeah.”

“You like it huh?” Giovanni came into view.

Chad turned to him. “It’s perfect for her.”

“When we have a baby, the butterflies grow with her belly,” Giovanni explained.

Immediately, Chad looked at me with his mouth open and heartbreak in his eyes. He knew that meant I was thinking of a future with Giovanni. He gently caressed my belly.

As soon as Giovanni was gone, Chad got to his knees and pulled me into his arms. Tears falling on my neck, he whispered, “I wanted to have kids with you. I love you so much, my baby girl.”

“I’m sorry.” I started to cry also, his pain overwhelming me like it so often did.

Chad clutched me until his tears stopped. Then he looked at me. “I don’t know how to live without you.”

“You won’t have to, I swear.”

He eased my body back until I was lying down again. Then he kept a hand on my belly as sleep came over me. I had no idea I was so tired.

I woke up to my body being moved. “Sorry.” I looked into Giovanni’s eyes as he put my seatbelt on. Then he whispered, “I wanna spent the rest of my life with you.”

Rubbed Raw - Omitted Scene 4 – Music Blog

Extended White flowers chapter.

White flowers surrounded me while I sat on stage. More were thrown at me every few seconds. I was confused and frightened. It looked to be the same place we played that night, but the rest of the band wasn’t there.

Then voices started taunting me. “It’s your fault he’s on the streets again.” I glanced around trying to find the source of the voice, but angry girls surrounded me. “He raped me too.” “You said you’d help me.” I didn’t know what to do, so I screamed.

Then suddenly I was in Giovanni’s bed. I sat up and searched the room. It had only been a dream. I didn’t remember falling asleep. Then again, I didn’t remember taking my sleeping pill either.

Giovanni opened the door and rushed to me. “It’s okay.” He wrapped me in his arms. “I’m right here.”

I tried to pull away, feeling silly about being afraid of a bunch of angry girls. Then I recalled what they were shouting at me. “It wasn’t that kinda dream,” I whispered. “Those girls… he hurt more of them I bet.”

Warm breath tickled my ear. “I know. I’m sorry tonight brought it back.” His voice was more unsteady that I expected.

“Something wrong?”

He pulled back and lifted my face to look into my eyes. “Chris and Chad’re here. We got something to talk to you about.” He hesitated. “It’s about what the manager told us.”

“The blog?” That was the first thing that came to mind.

He nodded, “You up for it? Or will it be too much?” His arms dropped then his hands covered mine. “You really need to hear what Chad found.”

“I’ll be fine.” I took a deep breath and braced myself for the worst. “When did I fall asleep?”

With a smile, Giovanni caressed my cheek. You passed out just after I put the movie on. I didn’t wanna wake you to give you your pills.”

            When we stood up, I realized I had one of his T-shirts on. It came down just enough to cover my panties. “I should put shorts on.” I looked at my bare thighs, not wanting to invite trouble.

            Giovanni grabbed something off his dresser. “Just wear these.”

            I took the boxers and put them on with a smile. The day I wore Chad’s and danced for him, Giovanni and Rosario flashed before my eyes. “This brings back memories.”

            He blushed. “Yeah, you looked hot that day.” He cleared his throat. “Not the time for reminiscing though. We have to deal with this.”

He led me into the living room. Chad and Chris sat on the couch next to each other. Giovanni sat in the empty space and pulled me onto his lap. No one said anything for a while. It seemed like they didn’t know where to start.

Chad next to us, spoke up first, “Did he tell you we need to talk about something you don’t wanna hear?”

I just nodded, looked down and held Giovanni’s hand tighter. He put his arm around my waist. “Chris and Chad stayed back last night to talk to some of the people at the bar.” I had wondered what took them so long.

Then Chris chimed in with, “Most people knew it was you who was attacked. I’m sorry.”

Chad squeezed both my legs. “I looked up the blog after we unloaded. It got thousands of hits in the last two days.” He bit his lip. “There were some details about what happened on it that only the police would know. His picture was posted too.” He stopped and looked at his hands.

“There’s more isn’t there?” I grabbed Giovanni’s hand to stop it from shaking. Chad’s nod made me lay my head down on Giovanni’s shoulder, unsure if I wanted to hear more. “Just tell me.”

He continued, “There’s a picture of you in the blue panty set next to his. The posting says the author talked to a neighbor who heard your screams. He said you were a slut. It has to be that weasel who was spreading it around the club last week.”

Giovanni held me close. “Our site’s got tons of messages for you.”

“And there’s emails too,” Chad added. “Some wanna help; some wanna make sure you’re alright.” He brushed a tear from my cheek. “Everyone’s on your side, but most people know about it.”

I hadn’t allowed it to sink in until the room was silent. With my eyes closed, I imagined being asked about the incident daily. Could I handle that? What if someone wanted details? Then memories assaulted me. Visions of the evil bastard asking me out. Seeing him standing in the crowd, his eyes glued to me. Then he was in my doorway.

I shivered, fighting the images. They knew he stripped me naked. They all knew he was going to rape me. My breathing came quicker. I clenched my fists, not wanting to give in. However, I was overwhelmed. When I looked up, the room started to spin.

“Crystal, Crystal, talk to me.” Giovanni called to me, as my limbs got weak. Then all of a sudden, I heard his voice again. It was softer though. “Chad please don’t kiss her. I’m upset too.” It took me a minute to realize my eyes were closed.

I lifted my lids and found myself in bed again. Was it all a bad dream? Maybe there wasn’t really a blog blabbing all my business. Then I felt liquid drip down my neck. I turned and Chad held me, crying. Pressure on my other side made me look that way. Giovanni held me as well. It must have been something pretty bad for him to allow Chad to… wait we were all in Giovanni’s bed?

“You OK, Crystal?” It was Chris, but I didn’t see him. Then a hand touched my calf and I jumped. He was kneeling at the foot of the bed.

Both Chad and Giovanni lifted their heads. “It’s okay,” they whispered together.

Confused, was not even close to what I was feeling. “What happened?”

“You fainted.” Giovanni caressed my cheek. “I’m right here. We’re all here for you.”

Chad let me go and sat up. His face stained with tears. He took my hand in his and sniffled. “I’m so sorry, my baby girl. This is all, my fault.” His lip quivered, while he avoided my eyes. “If I hadn’t taken those pictures, he would have never seen your beautiful body. If I walked you upstairs, he wouldn’t have broken in. He wouldn’t have violated you. You wouldn’t be so terrified all the time.”

“I’m fine, Chad. Please.” I had finally let the what ifs go. He was testing my anxiety.

He put his head down on my chest. Through sobs, he continued. “It hurts so much when I see fear in your eyes. I felt like he ripped my heart out. I saw him...” He grabbed me tightly. “I’m so sorry, my baby. I wish I could erase that night from your mind. I love you so much, Crystal.”

I felt his pain in my heart. To try to help, I squeezed his hand. “It’s not your fault. He would’ve have found a way. You saved me from him.”

He slowly lifted his head and kissed my cheek. “You always know what’ll make me feel better.” He patted my hand then kissed it. “Me and Chris’re gonna go. You guys need to be alone. Love you, Crystal.” He forced himself to pull away.

When they were gone, Giovanni turned me to him. I saw tears in his eyes. He was fighting to hold them back. “Crystal, I wish I could take it away too. We’re gonna get through this together. I’ll do whatever you need to help you deal with what’s ahead. And I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

Rubbed Raw - Omitted Scene 3 – Murphy’s Law

This is the original scene before I shortened it. (After scene in the park)

From there, we headed to the studio. It started raining when we got to the parkway. I was so glad Giovanni made me wear boots and jeans when we rode. He didn’t want to risk me getting road rash if I fell. The rain stung my hands. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel on bare legs. I kept clenching my fists, trying to stop the pain.

“Put your hands in my pockets!” Giovanni shouted to me. He had gloves on, so it wasn’t an issue for him.

I slid my hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, one at a time, afraid to let go at highway speed.  At least my jacket kept most of me dry. I hunkered down and let his body protect my neck, the only thing exposed at that point.

As soon as we arrived at the studio, Giovanni and I pulled our emergency change of clothes from his backpack I normally carried. He walked me to the main bathroom. “I’ll send Chris over here.”

“I’ll be fine walking around the studio alone.” I smiled. “I’ll call for Chris if I’m nervous, OK?”

He lifted my chin. “It’s amazing how much therapy is helping.” Suddenly he hugged me. “I’m sorry I’m smothering you, but we were supposed to be together that night. Sometimes I feel like…” He pulled my head to his chest and took a few deep breaths.

“Giovanni…” I tried to look up at him, but he wouldn’t allow it. “Let it go, please.”

After a minute, he pulled back, leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. Then he headed to the back bathroom. I closed myself in the restroom in front of me, locking the door. I was wet down to my underwear. After stripping and hanging my clothes as best I could, I rummaged through the bag.

“Shit! Where the fuck’re my panties?” I checked every pocket of the bag and frowned. “This is gonna be interesting.” Sliding the tiny black shorts on, I knew anyone who looked at my ass close enough would know I was going commando.

Minutes later, I looked at myself in the mirror. The shorts were riding up without panties in the way. I wished I had something other than a short tank top. A T-shirt might have covered my clearly defined ass cheeks. With a sigh, I grabbed the backpack and carried it in my hand into the hallway.

Crazy Mike stood a few feet from the bathroom talking on the phone. He was Gasoline’s head sound technician when on tour and one of three Michaels on the crew. He turned to me and smirked then watched me walk by. “Nice ass, guess you’re getting used to us, huh?” He hurried to get around me and stopped. Not putting a hand on me, he put his phone away then looked me over. “I’d be willing to be your backup when Giovanni’s not in the mood.”

My mouth dropped. He was as bold as Tommy. “Um, we’re not into that.” Nervously, I backed up.

“Hey, I won’t hurt you.” He stepped forward. “I was just offering my services. It’s up to you if you want them.”

My eyes darted from him to the hall beyond, silently hoping for someone to show their face. “I… I… I don’t… think… so.” I swallowed, trying to relax. His expression was not menacing and neither was his demeanor. I didn’t know him well enough to see he was harmless, for the most part.

“Crystal, you OK?” Chris walked towards us with a concerned look on his face. “Mike, do me a favor and step back.” He met my anxious gaze and put a hand out to me. “Crystal, do I need to get Chad or Giovanni? Crystal…”

I froze, unsure.

Then Crazy Mike backpedaled slowly. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

Chris, next to me, softly asked, “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

I took his offered hand and berated myself for the fear as we walked to the studio’s main room. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry.” Chris stopped. “It takes time to get back to being yourself.” He gave me his brightest smile. “You’ve come so far.”

Chad appeared behind him, “Something wrong?”

“I’m fine,” I assured him and walked away from them both.

Not wanting to let my lapse set the mood for the day, I lifted my bass and put the strap over my head. Playing normally calmed me and helped me focus. Without plugging into the system, I closed my eyes and fingered the notes to “Don't Wanna Be Like You.” The intricate bassline was prominent as in a few of our other songs. We planned to record the song that day.

Chris and I came up with the lyrics before the Boston contest. I called him, bored, and we decided to take a trip to the river to people watch. It was something only he and I seemed interested in. We were sitting on a bench talking when several skateboarders flew by. Both of us kept our eyes on them, while they dodged joggers and cyclists. Then they veered off the path and took turns grinding across a bench about twenty feet away.

Their carefree actions, reminded us of how unique we had become as a band, not sticking to one type of sub-genre like we used to. After an hour of watching them, we went back to Chris’ place and wrote the first draft of the song. The lyrics were funny at first then we got serious and cleaned them up.

Minutes later, Giovanni stuck his head into the room I was in. “Hey, everything OK?”

I looked up and smiled. “Yeah, I just got nervous. Mike didn’t mean it.”

“Mean what?” He scowled then turned around. “One them touched you or something?”

I tugged on his arm. “No. We were talking.” Under no circumstances was I going to repeat what Crazy Mike said. “I guess I’m still kinda leery of the guys here.”

“Next time, I’m not leaving you alone.” He grabbed me and squeezed me tight.

I sighed, wanting him to let up some. “You can’t be there all the time.”

“I know. That’s where Chris comes in.”

“What if he’s busy?” I tilted my head to see him seemingly lost in thought.

He took a noisy breath. “I guess… then I’ll let Chad look after you. He feels just like me when it comes to your safety.” His hands slid down my body. “As long as he keeps his lips and hands to himself.” He growled and gently grasped my ass. “Oh shit, no panties.” His lips touched my ear. “You hoping for a quick fuck before we go?” His entire body relaxed then tensed. “God, you know how to get me hard.”

I closed my eyes as his stiffening cock pressed against my belly. After being watched that morning, I knew it turned him on. Would he be bold enough to lift me up right in the studio?

“Sorry I’m late.” Jon’s deep voice echoed. “You guys’re ready, right?”

Giovanni reluctantly let me go. “We’ll finish this later.”

Once we started playing, I thought of nothing but the music. We ran through the song once then listened to Jon’s suggestions. The song was broken down, adding in the ideas. Then we sped up the tempo as requested and played it again. It sounded even better.

After the last note, I watched Jon for his usual call for a break after several complete run-throughs. Sam and Vince, Gasoline’s top techs, appeared to be arguing with Jon up in the booth. I thought the song sounded great and the only thing left was background vocals.

            I came out the room I played and asked Chad, “Any idea what’s gong on?”

            He shrugged. “Damned if I know. I thought it was good.”

            “We gotta do that again.” Jon’s booming voice startled me.

            I looked up again then yelled, “What’s wrong with the last take?”

            “Not all the tracks recorded right,” Sam said over the mic.

            Phil got up from the couch and shouted. “Which ones are good?” He was an electrical genius, but hid it well.

            “Vocals and bass,” Sam replied as he came down the stairs. “Maybe something’s not plugged in?”

            Phil quickly started to check the drum set’s microphones. “Ah, fuck,” he grumbled. “This whole side is off. Did we blow a fuse?”

            “I’ll check.” Sam walked past us to the back room.

            Chris walked over to the table on the far wall and opened a bottle of water, looking bored. Vince had come down as well. He and another man, whose name I had forgotten, were checking cables with Phil. They called to each other a few times, trying different outlets.

            Then Sam shouted, “Chad, play something.”

            “Sure.” With a shrug, Chad slid his fingers over the frets before starting the solo from “Devil’s Boy.” He bobbed his head and swayed a bit, as he got lost in the music.

            I watched him with lust growing quickly. His talent always turned me on. Moreover, we had that song playing a few times while we fucked. When he was done, I finally realized I had been staring and hid my feelings as best I could. I had to squash them fast. He could never know how much I still wanted him.

            “How’s that?” Chad yelled, looking up at the control room.

            Jon and Crazy Mike leaned over a soundboard. Mike had headphones on. He nodded a few times then shook his head.

            Jon looked annoyed. “It’s choppy. Sam, you find anything, yet?”

            “No. It all looks good. Giovanni, play something.” Then Sam disappeared again.

            Giovanni began the intro to “Where I Wanna Be,” another new song. It used every drum and cymbal in his arsenal. His eyes closed for a few seconds while he pounded the bass drums in perfect sequence.

            “OK, OK.” Mike called down to us. “Let me play it back.” He donned the headphones again for about thirty seconds then shook his head. “Hit the right bass a few times.”

            I sighed and sat on a stool, also bored.

            Chris was soon at my side. “You wanna take a walk? Looks like it’s gonna be a while.”

            “Where’d you wanna go?”

            He smirked, “To get a beer.”

            I glared at him.

            “I’m kidding. I don’t drink before five unless there’s a good reason. Hmm… maybe…”

            Smacking his arm, I scowled, feigning annoyance.

            “You know I’m teasing?”

            “Yeah,” I looked up. Chad and Giovanni were talking, while Phil, Vince and Sam were checking every connection in the place. “Doesn’t look like they need us anyway.”

            Chris walked over to the drumset and said a few words to Giovanni before coming back to me.When Chris and I stepped outside, I smiled at the sunshine. We had left the rain behind in New Jersey. Chris put a hand on my back as we walked down the stairs, then let go when we hit the sidewalk. We walked for two blocks, not talking, just looking around the busy street. New York City was so different from the town we lived in.

            “Did you see that chick?” Chris was almost laughing as he steered me around some commuters rushing by us. “Her skirt’s so short I swear I saw camel toe.”

            I laughed along with him, knowing exactly which woman he meant. “I could see her nipples through her white top.”

            “Hooker?”

            “Nah, stripper.”

Suddenly he pulled me close to him by the waist. “Come here.”

If he were Tommy, I would assume he was trying to cop a feel. However, he wasn’t. I glanced around and saw a large group of male teenagers coming towards us. As we passed them, they all looked me up and down. I wished I had more clothes on.

Chris leaned his head down and whispered. “I saw them lift a woman’s skirt up ahead and I didn’t want them touching you.” Then he let me go.

“Thanks.”

We wandered around, checked out a few clothing stores then went into Macy’s on 34^th Street. That store blew both of our minds. Since neither of us had seen it before, we looked like gawking tourists. It must have been a funny sight.

On one of the upper floors, we sat on a few beds. Chris lay back as I watched the few couples around us do the same. “Hey, we need one of these in the vans for the tour. This is comfy.” He stretched out and grinned. “I’d get a lot more girls with this at my disposal every night.”

It wasn’t a bad idea. “Would all the equipment fit with that much floor space lost?”

“I can ask Mark to help me measure and see.” He sat up. “Wouldn’t it be better to sleep on a mattress than a sleeping bag?”

I sighed, wondering how many fights there would be over who used it for the night, even if we got two. “True.” With six of us and two beds, it could be a daily argument. “You and Phil would probably get the most use out of them.” I gave him a shy smile.

“From what I heard, you and Giovanni’d be rocking his van for hours every day.” He stood up and winked. “Phil said you two really go at each other.”

My face heated up instantly. “I’m gonna kill him,” I muttered. Then my phone chimed. I pulled it out and unlocked the screen. “Hey, they got it. They want us back.”

By the time we walked back into the studio, the last lost drum track was recorded. Giovanni walked right to me. “Where did you guys go?”

“For a walk,” I leaned into his embrace and smiled, “Heard you guys got things working again.”

Giovanni chuckled. “Yeah, after Sam knocked out the power then a fuse. Phil fixed it though. He told me what it was, but I have no idea what he said, something about a voltage spike or short tripping a breaker. Whatever, as long as everything’s on track again.”

            “Alright, everybody get in front of a mike.” Jon called down to us. “I want group background vocals on this one.” He waited until we were all in place. “OK all at once….” Then the lights went out. “What the fuck now?” Jon’s voice was muffled, but he must have shouted to be heard on the floor.

Rubbed Raw - Omitted Scene 2 – Band Meeting

This takes place between Triple Threat and Rubbed Raw

It was the Monday after my first therapy appointment. I was cooking in Chad’s kitchen, while he was at work. If I were alone, it would have seemed that time had reversed. The many times I made Chad dinner while I did my laundry or just because, flooded my mind as I stood over the stove.

We weren’t there for Chad though. Jon Harris of Gasoline and the owner of Demonfire, our band’s record label, was coming for dinner. I looked down at my outfit. I toned it down as much as I could, so he would take me seriously. The tight blue jeans were fine, but my tank showed off more cleavage than I realized. Maybe I should put on one of Chad’s T-shirts?

“Why are you so stubborn?” Giovanni came up behind me. “I feel like a lazy sack of shit watching TV while you’re working so hard.”

I tossed marinated pork pieces into a large fry pan. “There’s nothing for you to do.” I had cleaned the living room and kitchen thoroughly not long before, needing the work to empty my cluttered mind.

“I can set the table or cut vegetables.” He placed his hands on my shoulders. “If Chad was here, you’d let him help.”

I sighed. “No. He’d force me to accept his help, by taking things out of my hands and just doing it.”

“Well, I can do that too.” Giovanni grabbed the knife I had just picked up. Then he opened the refrigerator. “How do you want the pineapple cut?”

Giving in, I replied, “In small cubes.” Then I added, “Take out the celery and carrots too, please.”

Giovanni and I work together for a while, him prepping and me cooking. It wasn’t something we had done often. I smiled when the morning we cooked breakfast together flashed before me. After I had added semi-cooked rice to the pork, vegetable and pineapple, the front door opened.

 “Hey, what smells do good?” Chad made a beeline for the kitchen. “I could smell it from the driveway.”

I turned back to the stove and stirred the dish in the skillet. “See for yourself.”

Chad leaned over the pan and took a deep whiff. “Damn, baby. I love your sweet and sour pork.” He quickly kissed my lips then whispered, “You’ve been taking the medicine, right?”

“Yes.” My tone told him I wasn’t happy about it. “I don’t feel any different.”

He knew I hated to take any sort of pills. His hands rubbed my shoulders. “It takes a while to get in your system and it’s only temporary.” He moved closer to my back, his body nearly pressed against mine.

I grit my teeth, trying not to like it. After a short time, I felt his cock start to harden. I gripped the spoon harder, resisting leaning into his body. He still drove me crazy, but I had to control myself. I needed to be faithful. He was making that very difficult. His breath on my neck made me shiver. I swore he was doing it on purpose, baiting me.

“So,” Giovanni said loudly. I turned, and he was a foot to my left. “When will dinner be ready?” Although he tried to look nonchalant, his eyes screamed of the jealousy within.

I looked down at the pan, “In a few minutes.”

Chad stepped back, making cool air replace his presence. I shivered again, wishing I could forget how his body felt. Then I gasped as arms wrapped around me. Confused, I looked down. The dagger tattoos made me sigh with relief.

“I’m trying,” Giovanni softly said in my ear.

I closed my eyes. “I know.”

“Does he have to kiss you?” Giovanni’s voice oozed with envy and anger.

I leaned back on him and quietly replied, “You need to tell him how you feel. It coming from me is not the same. Explain to him what’s OK and what’s off limits now. He’ll understand. He said he wants me to be happy.”

There was a knock on the front door. Chad had disappeared, so Giovanni let me go to answer it. I took a deep breath and checked the rice and pork mixture before me. After lowering the flame and putting the cover on it, I moved to the refrigerator to take out drinks.

“Am I late?” Chris asked as he walked in.

Giovanni told him, “Jon’s not here, just sit and relax.”

“My hands are shaking,” Chris stammered. “I can’t believe this is real.”

Nervously, I set the table between checking on the simmering food on the stove. My angst came from a combination of Chad’s draw, wanting to impress Jon Harris and worry that I would fear him. Chris and Giovanni’s voices came from the living room, but I tried not to listen. I needed the solace to sort out my head.

“Baby,” Chad touched my arm. “You…”

I jumped and dropped the drinking glass in my hand. It shattered all over the floor. “I’m sorry.” I looked up at him, my hands trembling.

“Hey,” he hugged me tight. “What’s wrong?”

Torn between holding him and pushing him away, I didn’t respond.

“She OK?” Giovanni called from the other room.

Chad ran a hand down my back. “She’s shaking. It was just a glass.” He lifted my chin. “Talk to me. Is it flashbacks?”

I shook my head, but wasn’t sure what to say. Another hand pressed against my shoulder and I flinched before clinging to Chad. The tears that followed bothered me even more.

“It’s me,” Giovanni whispered. He stroked my hair while talking softly. “Something scare you?” He wiped a tear away. “Come here.” He tugged me from Chad and held my head to his chest. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.” He cradled the back of my head. “Let me in, please.” He hated that I hid my feelings often, but I didn’t want to constantly burden him.

I took several deep breaths. “I’m just anxious about tonight.” Glancing at the floor, I hoped the medicine calmed my nerves. The doctor had told me we could try another type if the one I was on didn’t help. She assured me the one I was on should also ease the anxiety I had most of the time.

“We’re all just gonna talk.” Giovanni’s voice was soothing.

A slight clatter made me lift my head. Chad was checking the stir-fry. “This looks ready.” He turned off the heat and looked at us. “You want it in the clear bowl?”

“Yeah, but it can sit for a minute or two. Just put the top on.” I then watched Chad clean up the glass as I tried to get it together. When I felt calmer, I pushed on Giovanni’s chest. “I’m better. Let me finish.”

Giovanni let me go, but didn’t leave the kitchen. He waited for Chad to stand up then found the bowl I needed on the left cabinet’s top shelf. His strong hand covered mine as I reached for another glass. “I’m gonna help you. I don’t care if you don’t like it.” He glared at me until I relented and lifted the pan’s lid.

Minutes later, I sat on a chair in the eat-in kitchen, a glass of iced tea to my lips. The cool liquid felt good. I felt better since everything was complete. Chad, Giovanni and Chris sat on the couch watching the Yankee game. I had taken another dose of medication, which seemed to make a small dent in my mood.

I stood when the doorbell rang. With a smile, I opened the door. “Hey, Jon.” He subtly looked me over; although I noticed his eyes linger at my chest. Oh well, so much for taking me serious.

“You look nice.” Jon met my eyes. “Thanks for the dinner offer. I don’t always eat home cooked food.” He stepped inside and looked around. “Damn, it smells awesome.” He tentatively put out his hand then lifted his arms. “Um, I don’t know how to greet you. Most musicians I deal with are guys.”

Giovanni came up behind me and thrust his hand out. “Hey, Jon thanks for coming here.” He rubbed my arm while he shook Jon’s hand. “She shakes hands.”

I put my hand out also. “I’m glad you came too.”

Jon’s dwarfed mine when he clasped it. Then he lifted my hand and kissed it, while he pulled me closer, “Nice to see you again.” His eyes met mine. I could tell he was used to women throwing themselves at him, and he expected me to do the same. My instinct was to back away, but I didn’t want to upset him.

Clearing his throat, Giovanni tugged me back. “Me and my girlfriend here are excited to find out how this is going to go.” He was obviously staking his claim over me.

“Oh, OK.” Jon looked towards the television for a bit. “Sorry if I stepped over a line. I didn’t know she was taken.”

Giovanni let out a long breath on my neck. “It’s all good.”

“Time to eat,” Chad announced as he stood. He and Chris greeted Jon then he led the way to the table. “Crystal’s a great cook. You’re gonna love this.”

We settled into chairs, me between Jon and Giovanni. The food was passed around and drinks poured. Mundane conversation dominated the first few minutes. Jon asked about the band’s start and semi-personal questions about our lives.

Then Jon lifted his fork and changed the subject. “I wanted to get together with you guys sooner than this, but my schedule is crazy sometimes.” He took a drink then continued, “I would’ve brought my partner, but he’s kind of a silent partner. He doesn’t meet all the bands until they get to the studio.”

“Who’s your partner?” I turned to Jon, curious.

He hesitated. “Maybe it’s better you find out at the studio.” He winked at me, but that didn’t explain his answer. After finishing another forkful of food, he addressed all of us. “I want you to know, I heard about you guys before the Boston festival. Crazy Mike was at a club you played at a few months ago. If things hadn’t been so crazy, I might’ve had a chance to check you out. It all worked out though.”

The room was quiet as everyone cleaned what was left on their plates. Small talk started up again as Chad and I cleared the table. We left the dishes for later and ushered everyone into the living room.

“We should talk about expectations, the schedule and you all have to sign the official contract.” Jon sat next to me.

I moved closer to Chris, on my other side, unsure of Jon’s intentions at that point. Giovanni and Chad sat on the love seat not far away. My hands involuntarily curled into fists as the anxiety returned. I glanced at Chad several times, hoping he would see I needed assurance. He was looking at Jon though.

Jon’s deep voice soon filled the room again. “I don’t do things like other people in the business. I feel mentoring helps develop bands’ talent and creativity.” He smiled and looked at me. “You’re gonna turn some heads at the studio, but the guys are harmless.” His hand nonchalantly landed on my thigh.

I jumped and cried out, launching my body the opposite way. Chris caught me, but I couldn’t stop the tears from beginning. I looked at my hands, embarrassed.

What the fuck did I do?” Jon stood up.

Chad scrambled to me. “Baby… baby, relax. Jon’s not gonna hurt you.” He sat on the floor and guided me into his lap. After a kiss on my lips then forehead, he hugged me tightly. “I’m not gonna let it happen again.”

I didn’t want to be afraid, but the medicine didn’t take away my reactions. “I hate this.”

“I know.” He nuzzled my neck. “It’ll get better. I swear.”

Giovanni sat in my place and picked up my hand. “Can I do anything?”

“Um, guys… what the fuck happened to her?” Jon had his arms folded over his broad chest. “And don’t tell me ‘nothing.’ She was fine in Boston. Today she looks like a nervous wreck and all I did was touch her leg.” He glared at the guys, waiting.

I had no idea I was so transparent that day. Faking a smile, I looked up at him. He obviously didn’t buy it and scowled at us.

Chad put me on Giovanni’s lap then he stood, meeting Jon’s eyes. “You may wanna sit down.” He paced for a while, his face showing signs of distress. When he stopped, his eyes were glassy. “One of her fans stalked her.” He took a few breaths. “I didn’t know he was dangerous. If I realized he would…” His eyes closed, as tears fell. “I didn’t go upstairs with her.”

I wanted to jump up and hug him, but I was frozen, not wanting to hear what happened.

He continued, quieter. “He attacked her. It’s my fault. I flaunted her and made her into a sex object…” He walked away, punched a hole in a wall then went out the front door.

“I got him.” Chris hurriedly followed him.

Giovanni didn’t let me go the entire time. I cried softly, but knew he was just as upset. I raked his hair with my fingers then asked him, “You OK?”

He hugged me tighter. “I’m fine. How about you?”

“I’m OK.” I slowly glanced at Jon who was dumbstruck.

He touched my cheek and I shied away. “Sorry. I should know not to do that.” He looked at his hands. “I had a feeling that was it. It was the look in your eyes. The same look that Josie had when I came home.” He stood and walked to the kitchen, “Gimmie a minute.”

I casually watched him clench and unclench his fists while he tried to pull himself together. Without knowing him very well, it wasn’t easy to be sure what was going through his mind. He seemed to be acting just like Chad. I wonder who Josie is.

Hands on the counter and staring at the sink, Jon asked, “Can you handle being in my studio with an all male crew? I’ll talk to them and make sure they keep their distance. I promise.”

I was a bit choked up and had to clear my throat to talk, “I don’t know.”

“I fucking hate guys like that.” He punched the counter. “Rapists should be fucking castrated.” His extreme anger told me he had definitely known someone in my position. “Who was it? I have connections. I’ll…”

Giovanni interrupted him. “Jon stop. He’s in jail. Stop talking about him. She freaks out.”

“You don’t understand.” Jon’s voice had gotten soft. He turned and tears streamed down his cheeks. “The emotional turmoil sometimes drives you crazy, or makes you change. Josie flipped back and forth before she…” He bit his lower lip. “Crystal, please tell us if it gets too hard to handle on your own. Please.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but Giovanni put his fingers over my lips. “I took care of it. She’s getting help. Sorry about your…”

“Girlfriend,” Jon came back to us and flopped down on the love seat. “While we were on tour a few years ago, a guy broke in, tied her to our bed and raped her for days. I rushed home when she finally called me, but she was never the same. She killed herself a few months later.” He hung his head. “If I was there, I coulda stopped him.”

“You don’t know that.” Giovanni wrapped his arms tighter around me. “Me and Chad still blame ourselves for leaving her alone, but we had no clue he was watching.” He kissed my temple. “What if doesn’t help.”

It was the first time I heard Giovanni talk about anything emotional, other than his feelings for me. I wanted to say something helpful to both of them, but had no clue where to start. At least the talk of someone else shifted my thoughts away from my attack. The three of us sat there, silent, until the front door opened.

Chad walked in and headed directly to me. “I’m sorry I ran out.” He lifted my hand off Giovanni’s shoulder. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m fine.” I gave him a smile. My tears had dried up and I just felt bad for Jon. His burden was much worse than the rest of us. I vowed to find a way through it. No way was I going to wind up destroying Chad and Giovanni as Jon was. “I’m really OK.”

He caressed my cheek. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It’s done.” I looked into his eyes. “Please, don’t blame yourself.”

He averted his eyes for a few seconds then leaned closer. “I’ll work on it.” Then he softly kissed my lips. “I love you.”

Giovanni quickly shifted me on his lap so I was further from Chad. “We need to get back to business.” He glared at Chad for a bit then turned to Jon. “You ready to keep going?”

Jon nodded. “Yeah, I’m good now. Thanks.” After Chad and Chris sat on either side of me and Giovanni, Jon took a deep breath and said, “OK, so the plan is to record Monday thru Friday starting in the morning. I have a few things book in the evenings, so we need to quit about five most days. How’s eight or nine in the morning sound?”

Chad put a hand up. “Um, I got a day job.”

“Oh, wow, didn’t know that.” Jon frowned. “What do you do?”

“Website maintenance and hardware support.”

Jon tapped his chin. “Any way you can remote in? We do that when things go down, well, when we can that is. The studio’s in Manhattan, so it’s quite a haul if we need to get onsite. Everything’s hooked up with remote access.”

“Sure.” Chad smiled. “I can ask if they’ll let me work from home or something. But I need a few hours for my daily stuff. There’s always something to be added or fixed somewhere.”

“We can push it to 11:00.” Jon’s head tilted. “Maybe you can help us sometimes. Sam’s pretty good when I don’t know what to do, but some things are over even his head.”

Chad’s eyebrows rose. “Eleven is good, as long as I can take a break here and there to check my messages.” When Jon nodded again, Chad added. “And if you need my help with the servers or whatever let me know.”

Jon looked pensive for a minute. “Crystal, I’ll make sure every precaution is taken to assure your safety. The studio and the parking lot have video surveillance.”

“I’m sure it won’t take me long to feel safe there.” I put my arm around Giovanni’s shoulders and turned so I could see Jon better. “How many songs should we have prepared?”

“At least twelve,” Jon gave us a half smile. “Do you have anything no one’s heard yet?”

Chris moved in his seat. “There’s a few, and some others we played live only a couple of times. We did a lot of writing since we won the contest.”

“Good.”

Standing up, Chris asked, “You wanna hear some of it?”

“I wish I had time.” Jon looked at his watch. “I gotta be back at the house at nine for a meeting with another band. There’s one more thing I wanted to say.” He paused. “I want to bring out Chris’ amazing range, so I might ask for changes here and there.” His gaze moved to me as he got to his feet. “Stay well. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

Also getting up, I replied, “Thank you.” Feeling emotional, I hugged him. His body tensed for a few seconds then he put his arms around me as well. He was so much bigger than I thought. I felt lost against his football player type body.

“Like I said,” Jon stepped back from me. “I gotta get going.” He shook everyone’s hand. “See you tomorrow.”

When the band was alone again, Giovanni looked at me. My eyebrows rose. “Talk to him or he’s not gonna change his ways.”

“Can’t you just tell him?” Giovanni screwed his face up. “I don’t wanna get pissed off.”

I sighed. “I already did. He’s impulsive. You need to drill it into his head what you don’t like.” I walked towards the kitchen. “Chris, help me do the dishes.”

Chad stepped in my way and grabbed my ass briefly. “I’ll do it.” He winked. That meant he planned to cop a feel a few times, at least.

“I need to talk to you, Chad,” Giovanni almost shouted, “Now.”

With a look of confusion, Chad eyed him, “About what?”

“Crystal,” Giovanni folded his arms over his chest, making him look even more intimidating. “Let’s go take a walk.”

Chris scanned the pair’s faces. “Um, should I be worried about you two killing each other?” He seemed nervous.

“No,” Giovanni assured him. “We just need to figure something out.”

Realization came to Chad’s eyes. “Oh, I see. Let’s go.” He ran a finger down my cheek and headed outside with Giovanni.

“Hey, Crystal, you look worried.”

I turned to Chris. “Just hope talking is all that happens out there.”