About two weeks after Chad
moved, Giovanni and Rosario found a two-bedroom apartment across the street
from Chad ’s
place. It was in a large apartment building on the second floor. The day they moved
in was the first time I saw the place.
“You came right from work?” Giovanni smiled widely, yet
looked nervous.
I stood in the hallway in my waitress uniform. “Yeah, so I
could help.”
“Come in.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. “You’re
gonna love it here.”
He dragged me from room to room showing me everything. The
guys had already gotten all of the furniture set up and unpacked most of the
boxes. It was perfect for them. It was nothing like Chad ’s place, cozy and just enough
space.
Giovanni pulled me by the hand to his room after the rushed
tour. “I got a new bed. What do you think?”
“Um… it’s nice.” I wished the question meant he wanted me in
it. If Chad and Rosario hadn’t been there,
that question may have encouraged me to come on to him. “It’s big enough.”
His expression changed. “Oh… shit… damn. Crystal , I didn’t mean I wanted to fuck you
in it.” He looked upset. “I would never do that to you. I meant that when you
have to stay over, you could sleep in here. This bed’s better than the one at my
mom’s house.”
At least twice, I stayed over after we had been out late
promoting the band at bars and clubs. I didn’t have my own place yet.
“Oh, okay.” I was relieved and unhappy at the same time. If
sexual attraction were all we had, that would suck. To make myself feel better,
I got up on the bed and lay down on my back. “Wow, you’re not kidding. I like
this bed, comfortable.”
The bed moved, and I saw Giovanni next to me on his stomach.
“You can stay anytime you want now. We don’t have to sneak around anymore.”
His mom never knew I had stayed in Giovanni and Rosario’s
room. The first night, Rosario
woke us up laughing in the morning. He couldn’t believe Giovanni slept on the
floor and left me in the bed alone. He teased Giovanni about it all day.
“I had fun yesterday.” He looked around, like he was worried
about something. He leaned his face closer to mine. “I liked watching you play
on all those guitars.” The day before, we had gone to the music store to pick
up a few things.
Nervously, I turned to him. His lips were so close to mine,
I wanted to take a chance and kiss him. “I liked it too. We should go again.” I
blushed and looked at the bed.
“Crystal …
um… do you… would you…” Giovanni touched my face, which made me look at him
again.
“Hey, what’re you two doing?” Chad blew in the room, laughing. “Trying
out the bed, huh? We could test it for you, Giovanni. Right, Crystal?” He
winked.
I scowled at Chad ,
tired of him begging for sex. “Do you ever think of anything else?”
“Not really, just sex and you, baby.” He smiled and sat on
the bed next to me.
Giovanni got up, flustered. “I’ll leave you guys alone.” He
looked disappointed or annoyed. I couldn’t tell which. “Don’t mess up the new
sheets, Chad .”
His tone was definitely laced with anger.
I got up quickly and went after him, following him into the
kitchen. “Hey,” I grabbed his arm. He turned around and looked at me. “He was
only kidding,” I assured him.
“He loves you, you know,” Giovanni whispered.
I wanted so badly to tell him how much I cared for him. “I’m
not sleeping with him. We’re only friends, really.”
“Giovanni, where do you want this?” Rosario called from another room.
I stared at the doorway, unseeing as Giovanni walked away.
He did that every time we got close. I thought about following him again, but
didn’t want Rosario
to hear us talking.
“Baby, did you bring your clothes for tonight?” Chad was
suddenly leaning on the doorframe. “You OK?”
I turned my head and wiped at the pathetic tears that I didn’t
know had fallen. “I’m fine. Yeah my bag’s in the hallway.” We had a gig that night,
so I packed a bag before leaving for work.
“I’ll get it for you.” Chad touched my shoulder. "You
sure you’re OK?” He kissed my cheek. “Did he make you cry?”
I shook my head and looked at the floor.
“Baby,” Chad
hugged me. “Forget about him, please.” He leaned his head on mine and
whispered, “Why can’t you love me?”
Guilt consumed me and my tears fell faster. I could feel the
pain my feelings for Giovanni caused. “I’m sorry. I can’t help how I feel about
him.”
“I know, but it hurts so bad.” He squeezed me. “I love you
so much.” He held me for a few minutes more. “I’ll be back. I’m gonna run to my
house and change.”
“No thanks, not my thing.” I blinked, forcing the tears to
stop. “I need to take a shower for tonight. Did you unpack the towels yet?”
He smirked and came towards me, beer bottle in hand. “Yeah,
want me to wash your back?”
I backed up as he advanced. “That’s OK. I’m good.” He
couldn’t understand why I didn’t want him. I hit the far wall and thought about
shouting for Giovanni, but that was silly.
“Now that I got my own room, you can sleep with me when you
forget your keys.” His eyebrows went up. “I won’t leave you unsatisfied like my
brother.” He put a hand on the wall next to my head. “How about you stay the
night and help me break in the bed.”
I quickly ducked under his arm and rushed out of the room. Giovanni
was just coming out of the bathroom and I crashed into him.
He grabbed my arms so I wouldn’t fall, “You alright?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I looked up, into his eyes.
He lifted my chin. “What happened?” He waited for a few minutes
then shouted, “What did you say to her, bro?”
“Just offered my services,” Rosario admitted.
Giovanni shook his head. “Stop being a dick.”
“We got an hour to be at Charlie’s,” Chad announced
as he came towards ust. “Baby, here’s your bag.”
I took it and shut myself in the bathroom. Leaning against
the door, I berated myself about not telling Giovanni how I felt. “What the
hell’s wrong with me?” I softly asked myself.
I had to find a way to tell him, before it was too late. He made
me lose all my confidence, as if I wasn’t good enough for him. I knew it wasn’t
his doing, it was all me, but I had never been afraid to at least tell someone
I liked them.
“Do you know any Anthrax?” A young woman asked Chad and
Giovanni while we took our first break at the bar. We played a mix of covers
and original heavy metal music at that point.
“Yes!” She beamed and reached a hand out to rub his arm.
“It’s my favorite too.” When Chad
didn’t reciprocate, she moved on.
Reluctantly, Giovanni handed him the keys. He rolled his
eyes, as his brother walked away. “How the hell does he fuck every girl that
comes on to him?”
“With his dick,” Chad said with a laugh.
Giovanni glanced at me then Chad . “You know what I mean. I
don’t get it. I can count the number of girls I slept with on my fingers.” His
face reddened and his mouth opened wide. “Shit,” he muttered, almost silently.
Obviously, he did not want me to know that fact.
I smiled as I watched Giovanni relax. Then I stood on my
tiptoes, as close to Giovanni as I dared and whispered, “I won’t tell.”
His blush deepened and he turned to me. He bent down, his
lips inches from my mine. The bottom one quivered for a few seconds, before he
spoke. “Good. I’m not like other guys.”
The rest of the night, I tried to figure Giovanni out. He
treated me like a little sister sometimes, then others like he wanted me. It
was more than confusing. He smiled at me and I smiled back, but not much more.
“I’ll take her home,” Giovanni offered after all the
instruments were stored away at Chad ’s
place. “I gotta pick up a few things at the store anyway.”
Giovanni opened the passenger door of his van. “I’ll be back
in a few,” he called to Rosario .
“Take your time.” Rosario
winked at us. “Seriously, don’t hurry.”
I giggled. “Why, you got another chick meeting you here?”
“I wish.” He grinned. “If you decide not to come home, I’ll
see you in the morning.”
Giovanni shook his head. “I’ll be back.” He took my hand and
helped me into the van. “Do you want me to drop you off before or after the
store?”
“After,” I replied. “We need milk anyway.” It was a good
excuse and true.
In the 24-hour supermarket, we walked up and down the
aisles, Giovanni pushing a cart and me walking beside him. He added things
seemingly at random, but I could tell he had a mental list of what they needed.
Once at the checkout, he smiled at me. It felt so natural going shopping with
him, so domestic. It seemed like he enjoyed it too.
“Let me carry that.” Giovanni grabbed the bag of my
groceries while we walked through the gate of my parent’s house.
I dug through my bag for my keys. “Damnit!” They weren’t in their
usual place. I checked every pocket. “You won’t believe this.”
“You forgot your keys,” Giovanni laughed softly. “Maybe you
should tie them around your wrist.”
I sighed. “I changed my purse this morning. Guess I left
them in the other one.” All the lights were out in the house, so my parents had
gone to bed. “Maybe I should call Ch-”
“Stay with me,” he quickly interrupted. Then he bit his lip.
“Um, well, if you want to.” He nervously shifted his feet.
I could see he was scared of rejection, but not exactly sure
why. Did he want to get me alone and seduce me? Or was he just being polite?
“That would be nice.” I hoped he would hold me in his bed.
The apartment was quiet when we arrived. Rosario must have gone back out. After
putting away the groceries and shedding our shoes, Giovanni pulled me into the
living room. “You ready for bed, or wanna watch TV?”
“TV’s a good idea.” I didn’t want to sleep, not yet.
He put on an action movie I had wanted to see. We seemed to
have the same taste, which was good. I relaxed and let my body sink into the
couch, when he sat next to me. Then he put an arm behind me, just above my
head.
When an intruder in his home surprised the hero, I jumped
and grabbed Giovanni. He put his arm around my shoulders, pulling my head to
his chest. “It’s OK. I’m right here.” His breathing quickened when I hugged
him, taking advantage of the moment. “I got you,” he whispered and kissed my
head.
I opened my mouth to tell him I didn’t want him to let go,
but thought better of it. Enjoying the closeness had to be good enough. Barely
paying attention to the movie, I listened to the fast beat of Giovanni’s heart.
Something about the sound was soothing, like just hearing it made things
alright.
“Hey, Crystal ,
let me put you to bed.”
My heavy eyelids lifted a bit. Disoriented, I clung to
Giovanni when he lifted me.
“Don’t worry,” he softly assured me while he walked with me
in his arms to his room. When he put me down, I crawled under the blanket,
expecting him to climb in with me. Then he kissed my forehead. “I’ll sleep on
the couch.”
I reached out and grabbed his arm when he pulled away. “You
don’t have to.”
“Yes I do.” He caressed my face and smiled.
I closed my eyes and imagined him holding me again. When I
heard the door close, I sighed and hugged his pillow. One day, he’ll be able to
do it. I wish I knew how to make him see sleeping in the bed with me was not so
bad.
When I felt lips on my neck, I knew I was dreaming. The
breath in my ear had to be imagined. A soft moan filtered into my dream of
Giovanni making love to me, but it didn’t sound like him. Chad ? It couldn’t be. Then I felt a long
erection against my panties. It had to be Giovanni. I was so turned on already,
it was odd. I could feel the heat between my legs
“Giovanni?” My eyes wouldn’t open, but I was on my back,
skirt up a bit. I was so exhausted. “I want you too.” I was glad he was finally
making a move. Then I let out a quiet moan when he rubbed his cock against me.
He took my hands in his and pressed them against the pillow.
“I’m gonna rock your world, baby.”
“Rosario?” I was suddenly wide-awake. Then his lips covered
mine as I squirmed to get out from under him.
He let one hand go and a hand traveled up my side, under my
blouse. “Don’t tell my brother. I just wanna fuck you.”
“Stop it.” I commanded him.
He froze. “I know you want me,” he breathed in my ear. “Your
pussy’s so ready for me.” He slid his fingers downwards and under the side of
my panties.
I grabbed his hand, stopping his progress. “No.” I was wet
because I thought it was Giovanni. “Stop or I’ll scream.”
“I don’t know.” I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was.
He groaned and got off the bed. “I shoulda kept quiet and
let you think I was him, damnit! Fuck, I’m gonna have to jerk off now.” He
rubbed his cock through his pajama pants. “How could you deny me when you’re
that horny?”
I stared at him in the dim light from a lamp across the
room. His reaction was only slightly surprising. Sex was his first priority
most of the time. “I just can’t,” I admitted. No matter what my body wanted,
there was no way I was going to hurt Giovanni by sleeping with his brother. My
heart belonged to him.
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