Rubbed Raw - Omitted Scene 1 – End of the Line

This takes place between Triple Threat and Rubbed Raw

It had been about ten days since an intruder tried to rape me. Realizing who he was and how many times we had met prior, terrified me. I sometimes looked at male fans, expecting them to stalk me also. Chad had found messages he posted on the band’s website that he had not seen before. Being so busy, he had not had time to reply in a few weeks. The man had blatantly threatened to find out where I lived and promised he would fuck me. Chad had shown it to the police right away.

I was still dealing with it by sleeping more and staying away from men I did not know. This was not easy, since I was in the limelight nightly. At least my change in style had made me more comfortable. The black skinny jeans I wore that night were new. The lattice down the sides showed only a little skin.

It was Thursday night and we had just arrived at The MetalLands. It was a place we played time and time again. We knew to stick to our harder songs, because of the clientele.

Nervously, I leaned against Giovanni’s van. We had already seen four die-hard fans in the parking lot. I was expecting to have to face them close up that night. It was something I had only done a few times since the attack. Giovanni and Chad kept me shielded well enough that no one had access to me unless they allowed it.

MetalLands did not have a back entrance or any rooms to store equipment. They had expanded the club to use every inch of space upstairs. The bathrooms and offices were all in the basement. That meant there would be times we would walk through the crowd.

“What’s the matter?” Giovanni stood in front of me.

I looked up, faking a smile. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” He caressed my cheek. “I know what you’re thinking. Chad checked the site. No crazy messages, no one who sounds insane. Tonight’s gonna go smooth. Don’t worry.”

Chad appeared behind him, “Still scared?”

Meeting his eyes, I bit my quivering bottom lip, “What if…“

“We’re all gonna be close,” Chad assure me. “No one’s gonna get to you. I promise.”

I nodded, half believing it. Then I made myself relax and sat in the front seat again while they got back to unloading.

“Ready?” Chris smiled at me and put his hand out. “Chad and Giovanni have their hands full.” He waited as I hesitated. “Crystal, you used to trust me. What’s wrong?”

After taking a deep breath, I looked up. “I do. I just have a weird feeling, like something’s not right.” I heard my name and turned towards the voice. It was one of my old neighbors who was on the band’s email list. He was home the night of my attack and had called the police. I waved, getting a sinking feeling within.

Once at the front door, Chris pulled me close and nodded to the bouncer. There was a huge crowd that night. When my hands started shaking, Chris shifted so he walked with me, almost holding me. In seconds, Chad joined us and walked on the other side of me.

We got to the stage without one incident. Chad lifted me up and onto the platform. Still having a strange feeling, I looked around for my neighbor. Eventually I spotted him close to the bar, with a group of people around him. I didn’t remember him being very social, just nosy.

“Crystal... Crystal… Come ‘ere! Crystal, just for a minute.”

There were a few guys near the corner of the stage, waving at me. I looked back at Giovanni who was behind the drum set already. He stood and quickly was at my side.

“I can make an excuse for you.”

Unsure, but not wanting to disappoint fans, I shook my head. He led me to the edge of the stage then crouched behind me as I sat down.

“Hi.” I meekly said while leaning back on Giovanni for strength. His hands on my arms made me calm a bit. “Do you want a picture or something?

The blonde one smiled. “No, just wanted to talk. Is this your bodyguard?”

Giovanni stiffened, “If I need to be.”

“No worries, we just wanted to make sure she was OK,” The young man with long brown hair replied.

I smiled. “I’m fine.”

“That’s good.” The third one, who had deep red hair styled into a Mohawk, lowered his eyes. “So then it’s not true?”

Giovanni slid his hands down my arms a little. “What’re you talking about?”

“We heard…” The blonde again. “That you were raped a few days ago by that creep who comes to all your shows. I haven’t seen him in a while. So it made sense.”

My entire body froze, but my lips trembled.

“Oh God, its true,” Mohawk guy looked upset. “I’m sorry, Crystal.”

I started to fall backward and freaked out until I realized Giovanni was sitting down. Before I knew it, I was back in my living room, screaming for Chad. I could feel his hands, hear his voice and smell his stench. “Please, no.” It was only a murmur.

Giovanni wrapped his arms around me, tightly. “It’s okay,” he whispered in my ear. “Don’t go back there, please. Stay with me.”

I clutched his forearms tightly trying to push away the memories.

“I didn’t mean to bring it back,” One of the men said.” I’m so sorry.”

Giovanni took in a shaky breath. “Who told you she was raped?”

“Um, some guy who said he heard her screaming,” someone replied.

“What else did he say?” Giovanni’s voice portrayed his anger.

Haltingly one of them answered, “Uh… that… he… he saw her naked under him and called the police.”

“Fucking dick,” Giovanni growled. “He could’ve stopped him.” He nuzzled my neck as I still trembled. “I’m right here, my love. Just take a few deep breaths. He’s not here.”

I felt out of control. The memories were fading in and out, but the terror was constant. It was a struggle just to breath at that point. My nails dug into Giovanni’s skin while I fought like hell to find the real me.

“Is she gonna be okay?”

“She’s got me,” Giovanni softly replied, while he stroked my hair. “I’m keeping her safe. I know you didn’t mean it, but you really upset her.” He kissed my temple. “I’m here. I won’t let go.”

The noise level had gone up and it was obvious I was the subject of several conversations. I tried hard not to cry, but it wasn’t working. Tears were falling. I wanted the memories to go away, and I didn’t want anyone to know what he did to me.

“Chad,” Giovanni called, making me jump.

Chad sat next to us and wiped at my tears. “What’s the matter?”

“Some guy is telling people she was raped. He saw it and didn’t stop it.”

I looked up at Chad, wishing he could make it all go away. He glanced around. “It has to be someone from her building. I thought I saw someone familiar earlier.”

“Chad she’s a mess. What do we do?”

“I’ll get her a drink again,” Chad suggested. Then he was gone.

Giovanni held me tighter. “No one’s gonna hurt you again. I’m right here.”

I turned and bawled into his chest. “Everyone’s gonna know what happened. I don’t want ‘em to.”

“I know you don’t, but maybe it will make the guys stop hitting on you for a while. If they know you can’t deal with it now.”

Very quickly, Chad was below the stage handing me a drink. “Crystal, just drink it fast and wait for it to work. I’ll back in a few.”

I did as he told me and it hurt going down. I had no idea what Chad gave me, but I trusted him. I leaned my body against Giovanni again, until I felt the alcohol take affect. It didn’t take long. My head swam slightly and my thoughts began to wane. That was soon replaced by a happy buzz.

“I don’t like you drinking to take away the anxiety.” Giovanni cradled me. “It’s not a solution. We need to find something else.”

Not caring how I got through it, I told him, “It’s the only one I got.” Then I lifted my head and took a deep breath. “Let’s go.”

Giovanni stood up and pulled me to my feet. I turned around and kissed him. He pulled me close and followed my lead, opening his mouth. I closed my eyes and pretended everything was fine again. His tongue tentatively touched mine, so I grabbed the back of his head and yanked him down. The aggression was from the alcohol, but Giovanni did not seem to mind.

Then he pulled back. “You sure you’re alright?”

“She doing better?” Chad’s fingers grazed my arm.

Giovanni hugged me again. “I guess.”

“I’m fine.” I wriggled away from them and picked up my bass. “Let’s play.”

When Giovanni went back to his drum set, Chad tapped Chris’ shoulder, “Ready now.”

“How’re you doing tonight, metal fans?” Chris shouted into the mic. He got cheers and screams in reply. “You’re gonna get to hear some of our new music tonight. What do you say about that?” The crowd got louder. “That’s what I like to hear.” He turned around. “Crystal, you ready?”

I smiled and settled my fingers in place, fear replaced by adrenaline.

“How about some ‘Leatherneck?’” Chris asked, loudly.

Chad and I began the intro. We turned the distortion up more than the last time we played it. I liked it a whole lot more. When Giovanni entered the song, seconds later, I glanced at him. He was lost to the music, the beat fast and rough. His hands and feet moving non-stop. Chris’ screaming vocals almost startled me. The reaction all around us made the effort to perfect that song worth it.

The next song in the set list was “Primal Instinct.” It was perfect for the heavy metal aura of the club. Chris had changed the chorus to singing, so it was not all screaming. I had relaxed by then, which allowed me to get into the song more. I banged my head along with the audience, sending my hair flying all over.

“You want another new one?” Chris put a hand to his ear while shouts of “Yes,” came to him. “Are you sure?” He nodded at the rise in volume. “OK then, how about “Where I Wanna Be” I don’t know about the rest of you.” He swept a hand across the stage. “But I wanna be at the top, everybody knowing my name.”

I nodded, wanting the same at the moment. I looked to Chad, whose expression was concern. With a smile, I was able to ease his worry. By the fourth song, I felt the panic rising again. Thinking the whole room knew what happened, was getting to me. While Chris talked, I waved at Phil.

He came to me grinning. “You ready? Wanna go in the van with me?” He put an arm around my shoulders. “I’m all set to shock the hell outta ya with my skills.”

I almost laughed. Did that line work on any girl? It wouldn’t on me. “Can you get me a shot of JD? Wait, make it a double.” I pulled a twenty out of my jeans pocket.

His eyebrows rose, “You sure about that?” Then he smirked and his eyes went wide. “Getting you drunk may be a good thing.” He quickly made his way to the bar.

When he returned, we were already playing “Sex Addict.” Chad and Chris gave him odd looks as he walked behind me. When neither was looking, he held the glass to my lips and forced me to take it all in one gulp. I gasped and my eyes watered.

He put a hand on my back when he took the glass away. “You OK?” When I didn’t answer, he moved his hand to my ass. “Are we fuckin’ or what?”

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head slowly. “Give it up.”

“Never,” he winked and squeezed. I pushed him with the end of my guitar, until he got the hint and jumped off the stage.

After our set, I stood against the wall, not quite drunk, but numb, which was what I had wanted. I watched Mark and Giovanni take apart the drum set. Phil was putting guitars in cases while Chad and Chris talked to a few girls who stood to the right of the platform we were on.

“How you doin'?” Giovanni called to me from a few feet away.

I nodded and laughed at nothing. My eyes closed as I rested my head on the speaker next to me. A hand on my back made me jump.

“So sorry, baby,” Chad had his lips close to my ear. “Are you smashed? You can’t even stand up.”

“What’s wrong?” Giovanni sounded close.

Chad’s hand was going in a circle. “Sorry. I guess I gave her something too strong. I think she’s drunk.”

“She had a double JD after that,” Phil announced.

A sigh came from Chad. “Why’d you do that? You can never hold your liquor.” He helped me stand straight and hugged me. “Baby, did it upset you that much?” I sagged in his arms not able to hold myself up. “Shit! Giovanni!”

For a few minutes, I think I passed out. When I opened my eyes, Giovanni was lifting me into the van. He laid me down and kissed my hand. “We’ll leave in a few minutes. Just go back to sleep.”

The next thing I knew, Giovanni was carrying me in the door of our apartment. When he put me in bed, my eyes closed again. I fought asleep as Giovanni undressed me.

“We have to talk about this.” His tone was of genuine concern. “You can’t handle this on your own anymore. You’re barely sleeping and that’s making it worse. Please, let me take you…”

I heard his words, but they were fading. My hand reached out and his lips brushed it. I regretted the last drink, but how else was I supposed to cope? Maybe I should take a few weeks off from performing… but that wouldn’t stop the nightmares.

“Get off me!” I screamed as I felt his body on top of me again. We were both naked this time. Every dream was different. I clawed at his skin, trying to make him stop. Then my cheek stung. Did he hit me again? My hands were suddenly pinned.

Everything was blurry and I felt like I wasn’t really there, yet I felt him so clearly. Then I felt his dick rubbing my thigh, getting closer and closer. “Please, no, please,” I begged, knowing he only had inches. His hips moved and I felt it pressing against my entrance.

“Told you I’d fuck you,” He pushed in roughly.

“No!” I shouted and sat up. I was drenched in sweat and awake, trembling.

A hand touched my arm and I screamed again. “It’s me. Don’t be scared.”

I turned to Giovanni sitting next to me and clutched him. “He won’t go away. Please, I can’t stand it anymore. Giovanni, make him stop.”

He held my face to his neck and hugged me tight. “Only you can make it stop, my love. I’m sorry.” He caressed my back. “You need help. Drinking doesn’t solve it.”

“I’m so scared,” I admitted, tears beginning to fall.

With a soft sigh, he pulled me into his lap. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. This is killing me. I hate what he did to you, but you’re letting it consume you. Let me find a doctor to help you, please.”

“I’m not ready.”

“Yes you are.” He kissed my temple and squeezed me. “That’s your fear talking. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. I started asking you to help me and you have no idea how hard that was for me. If it was this bad for me, I’d expect you to push me too. I love you.”

I shook my head and tried not to cry, but the dream was so fresh, the fear so raw. Exhausted, I closed my eyes. It was too much for me, but going to a psychiatrist meant I was crazy. Didn’t it?

After exhaling loudly, Giovanni laid down with me in his arms. “We’ll talk about it more in the morning.”

Hours later, I was up for the fifth time, screaming. My entire body shook and my breathing was ragged. Even Giovanni holding me close, did not stop the dream from replaying repeatedly. He didn’t say a word as he soothed me. I started to realize the alcohol made my dreams worse. Every night I had a drink to calm me the nightmares came more often.

When I sagged against him, completely drained, he looked into my eyes. “After the night we just had, you need therapy or medication. Your nightmares are getting worse. You have to see a doctor. I’ll go in with you if you want or I can wait outside the office for you. Please, Crystal, you need to be able to sleep through the night. I’m only saying this because I love you.”

“Okay,” I agreed knowing he was right. “I’ll go. I do need help.”

He kissed my lips softly. “I’ll find you someone after I finish the job I got today.”

Fear built up quickly. “Don’t leave me alone! He’s gonna find me again.” I couldn’t hold back the tears, although I was sick of crying.

He held me close again. “No, you won’t be alone. Chris is coming over. I won’t leave until he gets here. I promise.” Then he kissed my nose and pulled back. “I have to get dressed.” He ran a finger down my cheek. “If you get scared again, call for me.”

I had no idea what time it was, but it had to be morning already. Watching him slowly take out clothes then drag his weary body to the bedroom door told me just how little sleep he had gotten. Neither of us had a full night sleep since I moved in, since…

“Don’t let him do this to you,” Giovanni softly told me as he opened the door. His loving gaze was laced with heartache. “Close your eyes and imagine a beautiful place where there’s no pain.”

When he left the room, I did as told, turning to my side. My happy place was the beach. I imagined Giovanni and I walking hand in hand along the edge of the surf. It was one thing I knew would never happen. Still I yearned for him to share my love of the sand and the ocean.

“Better?” A hand touched my face and my body jolted. “Shh, it’s me.”

My lids lifted and I felt bad for fearing Giovanni’s touch. “I’m sorry.”

“No sorrys.” He smiled and held my face in both hands. “Just promise you’ll be honest to a therapist when we find one.” His dirty work clothes were on, yet he smelled clean.

I nodded, sleepily.

He kissed my lips, gently. “You need to sleep, my love. You’re totally worn out… still gorgeous though.”

That got him a half smile.

He leaned over me and rubbed my back. “I’ll stay here ‘til you crash again.”

I closed my eyes and concentrated on his hand. It was a soothing feeling. I wanted him to hold me but I was so tired, I couldn’t even ask.

Seconds later, I let out a shrill scream. He was back, again.

“I didn’t leave.” Giovanni’s voice made me search for him. I found him rushing towards the bed. Then his arms were around me. “I’m finding you someone today.”

I clutched his arms so tight I left nail marks in his skin. Never had I had so many nightmares. It was getting quite out of hand. He was right. I needed help. My body trembled so much; I eventually exhausted myself back to sleep.

“This can’t be happening again!” I shouted while I tried to wake myself up.

It had to be a dream. He was on stage with me. There was no Chad, no Giovanni. It was just him and I, a large crowd, all around the stage, cheering him on. He laughed as he tore off my clothes. I cried, unable to move. I saw flashes and phones were held up to film it. No way was this real, right? Then his hand was sliding up my thigh.

“Oh God, no!”

I woke up alone. “Giovanni!” I clutched the blanket, hoping it would protect me from his awful touch. Then I saw a blur of movement and shrieked. “Get out!” Suddenly there were arms around me. I pushed and cried, trying to break free.

“I’m here. You’re not alone.”

Not recognizing the voice, I fought harder. “Get off. Stop. Please.”

“It’s Chris. Crystal, look at me.” His tone was soft, caring, as I struggled to catch my breath. He slowly caressed my back. “Sssh, it’s OK.

I clung to the back of Chris’ T-shirt, wishing he were Giovanni. “I can still feel him touching me. Make him stop, please. I don’t want his fingers in there, please.”

“Crystal, he’s not here,” Chris said calmly. “He’s in jail. I promise you, he’s not touching you. It’s gonna be okay.”

He held me tightly until we heard, “Crystal, I’m home.” Giovanni was soon in the doorway. “What happened?”

“You didn’t tell me it was this bad.” Chris sounded disturbed by it.

Giovanni sat next to us. I sat up and grabbed Giovanni, clinging to his shirt. He was filthy but I didn’t care. He put a hand on my back. “Everything’s okay. Chris would never hurt you.”

“It was a dream, man.” Chris stood up. “She relives this shit every time she goes to sleep?” He didn’t get an answer, so continued. “Chad’d be furious. He blames himself for the whole thing you know.”

Holding me close, Giovanni kissed my forehead. “So do I.” His voice was almost a whisper. “I should’ve been there.” He sighed. “I found someone this morning. You have an appointment in three hours.”

I looked up, meeting his sad gaze. “Thank you.”

“I love you,” he softly said as he brushed his lips down the side of my face. One hand moved then he presented me with three red roses.

Instantly, I smiled. He knew me so well. When he held them close to me, I inhaled their heavenly scent. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” He looked truly confused.

Laying my head on his shoulder, I replied, “Calm me. You give me strength.”

He cradled my body and took a deep breath. “I can’t always calm you.”

“I should go.” Chris said from next to the bed. “You have a plan to help her, right?”

I felt Giovanni nod. “I got it. Don’t worry.” Taking the roses from me, he asked. “Chris, can you put these in the new vase on the table?”

Chris’ hand came into view. “Sure. I’ll see you tonight.” Chris then sounded several feet away. “Let me know if we have to cancel.”

“I will.” Giovanni leaned us back, until we were lying down, on our sides. “You still look exhausted.”

Several hours later, Giovanni and I sat in a waiting room. I gripped his hand tightly. When I heard, “Miss Atkinson,” I turned to him, unsure.

“Do this for me, please,” he pled, eyes full of concern. “Tell her everything, even if you think it doesn’t matter.”

I nodded and walked to the matronly looking woman holding a door open. She put out a hand when I came close. “I’m Dr. Leon. You must be Crystal.” She looked beyond me as she held my hand in hers. “Is that Giovanni?”

“Yes.”

She gave me a warm smile. “He told me a lot about you. I’m glad to meet you.” She opened the door wider. “How about we talk in private for a while?” She hesitated, “Unless you want him with you.”

I took a deep breath, knowing I had to do it on my own. I needed to take control. “No, in private is fine.”

After relaying the gist of my disturbing dreams and the source of them, she frowned, “I’m sorry this has been so hard for you. From what you told me and the other symptoms Giovanni described, it sounds like you need a bit of help getting through this.” She paused. “How about we meet once a week and I put you on sleeping pills and anti-depressants?”

“But-“

She put up a hand. “There’s nothing wrong with needing medication if that’s what you’re worried about. We all need help sometimes.” She patted my hand. “And from the look in your boyfriend’s eyes, neither of you is sleeping much. They will help you heal in your own time.”

Walking back into the reception area, eyes red and sniffling, Giovanni pulled me into his arms. He put a hand on the back of my neck. “You talked didn’t you?”

I nodded and held back another sob. Giving her details of my attack and my fear of him returning had brought back more than I expected.

“It’ll get easier,” he assured me. “Did she give you sleeping pills like I asked her to?”

I pulled the prescriptions slips out of my pocket and gave them to him. “Can we go home, please?”

He ushered me outside and down the block. “We need to pick up those pills first.”

When Giovanni and I got home from our gig that night, he took out the sleeping pill bottle. “This says to take it an hour before you want to fall asleep. You should take it now so you could get a good night’s sleep.”

I took both pills, without protest. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Wait.” He took my face in his hands. “Thank you for going today.”

Not ready to accept medicine was what was best for me, I replied, “If it makes me feel funny, I’m stopping it.”

“Talk to Dr. Leon before you do that.” He kissed my forehead. “I’ll be in the bedroom.”

I took a long shower, savoring every minute. When I had just finished washing, I started to feel odd. Then I lost my balance and had to grab the ledge. My legs suddenly buckled and I was slipping.

“Giovanni!” I screamed and quickly the door opened.

“Oh my God,” he cried out.

My vision fading, his arms wrapped around my wet, naked body. When he lifted me up, everything went black.

“Hey, sleepyhead, when you getting up?”

The voice had to be Giovanni, but it was so soft.

“It’s past three.” Giovanni raked his fingers through my hair. “You OK?” His lips brushed mine and traveled down. My throat was next, then breasts, belly. “Open your eyes for me, my love.”

I didn’t remember having a nightmare. Actually, I don’t think I woke up at all. Did he say it was past three in the afternoon? How did I sleep so late? My head was cloudy, heavy feeling. I forced my lids open, but couldn’t focus.

“There you are.” His voice was sweet, yet laced with worry. “Can you open them a bit more? Maybe drink some water?”

My eyes closed involuntarily and my head lolled to the side. I felt like I was almost floating, frozen in air. Then his mouth moved lower. I wanted to react to his touch, but nothing responded to my commands. His tongue dragged over my folds slowly.

“Cumming always wakes you.” He gently sucked on my clit before pushing two wet fingers into my pussy. After several wonderful feeling strokes and more tongue action, he commented, “Those are some powerful sleeping pills.” There was silence for a while. “She’s been out about twelve hours. Is this normal?”

I tried to find him, but couldn’t see. He had to be on the bed because it moved. I felt high or drunk. It was a bit scary. I tried to speak, but my mouth didn’t move.

“She can’t even keep her eyes open.” Giovanni spoke softly. “And she fell asleep like minutes after I gave it to her.” More silence. “Half of one? OK, we’ll try that.” Seconds later an arm draped over me. “She doesn’t know when it’ll wear off.” Then he pulled me to lie on his chest, moving my heavy-feeling limbs over him. I quickly drifted off again.